First Timers

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

Who shived you in the neck?

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Been blogging since: September 2004.
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Written by Northe   
Friday, 11 November 2005 00:00

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

The age of the internet beast has brought along a slew of conveniences and awe inspiring possibilities.  Female Boss is probably the most interested in what technology has to offer between the two Bosses.  Before I acquired employment at the office, the place was without in-mail and any connection to the internet.  So imagine their satisfaction when I came in and absolutely revolutionized the office by bringing them into the late 1900s.

Without binging on my own feats of genius lets re-focus on the story.  Female Boss has recently discovered that programs, like ICQ, can be used to instantly message (IM) people all over the world, well.. instantaneously.  This is her new thing.  She loves the fact that she can talk to anyone whenever they are online.  What's better is, now, her brother's son, about age 6 or so I would imagine, is starting to use IMing to talk to family members every so often.

Most of these conversations are the typical run of the mill, brain liquefying excrement.  The only difference is that it happens to be with a young kid, which makes it an ass hair's width more forgivable.  Truly, its not necessarily Nephew that makes these communications pathetic either.  More likely, its the moronic tangents and questions that Female Boss loves to bring up when speaking to anyone that is a child.  (ie. Scenario #1: "What are you doing for St. Patrick's Day?")

To the point.  Nephew, becoming more and more internet savvy by the day, has now discovered how to send sound files through his IM program to Female Boss.  This is absolutely astounding to the mind of Female Boss.  A little perspective here.  Female Boss manages her online portfolio, shops, pays bills and does internet banking via the internet.  This all pales in comparison to the fact that one can send sound from one computer to another.

Nephew has chosen to send this old man cackle of a sound file and send it often.  Its hilarious.  "Hahaha ha."  If this post goes up without a link to hear it, it is bcuz I looked everywhere and have been completely unsuccessful in locating the exact sound file.  Just about every 5 seconds during the conversation he is pumping the sound through the speakers.  Kinda reminds me of the AOL commercial with the frog that says, "Hiya!" and the little blond-haired kid that says, "Do it again!"

So Female Boss is cracking up and so am I.  Unfortunately, like most beatings administered on carcasses, it gets old fast.  Within 15 minutes Female Boss is starting to mutter evil thoughts under her breath.  "Okayyyy, thats enough already."

"Hahaha ha," goes the cackle, over and over again.  

What I thought was getting old fast was actually becoming more interesting by the second.  Intrigued I start documenting.  Its like a cacophony of berating laughter haunting Female Boss and shattering her will to live.  Invading her very soul, Female Boss turns flustered.  Reality hits her, dead center, in her solar plexus:  Her new favorite sound has spiraled from novelty to devilry within minutes.

"I wish he would shut the hell up with that now."

Telling him would not only be too easy but also too logical.. you know this.  This option would never be explored by Female Boss.  Turn down the volume or turn off the speakers?  If this thought is even crossing your mind, you need to start all over again with The Primer and re-read everything from there cuz you didn't pay attention to the first thing written on Angry Time and have no clue what makes Female Boss tick (Hint: Its not rational thinking.)  Her frustration is getting the better of her as Female Boss resorts to physical writhing and sighing.  I arrive at the self-realization that I am now a Zen Master when it comes to being able to laugh on the inside and remain stoic like a DragonLord on the outside.

"Hahaha ha.  Hahaha ha.  Hahaha ha."

"Fuckin' quit it!" yells Female Boss at her monitor.

I nearly crack.  Then, as if a miracle was bestowed upon Female Boss, the laugh stops.  Nephew has gone offline.  Relaxation pours over Female Boss and all is well.  However, this is not the end nor will it be.  Every single time Nephew gets online, he bombards Female Boss relentlessly with the cackle.  It drives her up a wall only after hearing it a few times.  Any parent would be proud to have such a child.  

To date, and this has been ongoing for weeks now, Female Boss is yet to be able to counter Nephew's assault.