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First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

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Been blogging since: September 2004.
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Written by Northe   
Monday, 30 January 2006 00:00

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

I haven't just gone off about shit lately.  I am too preoccupied with telling a story, and true the stories are the bread of Angry Time, but the rants and mayhem are the butter.  You guys have been eating dry bread for far too long.  So let's fuckin have at it.

A word to Male Boss.  When you have a Client for going on ten years I think its high time you memorize the fuckin phone number to reach them.  Don't you?  Rather than calling me from your fucking cell phone when you're out of the office, take some time and either a) think about the number and start trying to line up those digits into your feeble brain or b) PUT THE FUCKING NUMBER INTO YOUR CELL PHONE!  Why is logic dead in this world?  Why is the most simple of tasks the last thing on anyone's list?  Its ridiculous.

And Female Boss, where do I even begin?  How about when you're holding Puppy close to your face and you're doing your best imitation of an auctioneer saying, "Puppy, Puppy, Puppy, Puppy, Puppy, Puppy, Puppy," as quickly as you can and you think that you're actually bonding with your dog and the fuckin thing snaps at your nose and you start to bleed, how about you start understanding that it is an unruly fuck that needs a trainer?  A trainer!  Your dog bit you and you laugh!  Are you fucking insane!?

No, no I am not done with Female Boss yet.  When an outskirt friend of The Plastics, that has never given you her phone number or asked you to call, isn't amused to hear you calling her bcuz you got her number from another Plastic you're required to get a clue.  Female Boss sits there, on the phone, having to repeat herself with this lady literally two to three times per sentence.  I think the lady is trying to tell you something.  She's not having it.  She's ignoring you, angry or just not interested.  Leave her alone, cuz her stupid plastic ass doesn't have the gumption or wherewithal to tell you like it is.. put two and two together.  Don't spend additional time on the phone trying to entertain someone that doesn't want to hear it.  Realize that you're pretty fuckin annoying to a lot of people regardless of how this one person feels about you, anyway.

Yeah, that starts me on the fuckin game players.  You asshats in my life that sit there and fluff up scenarios and shit rather than shooting it straight can all go to hell.  If you'd actually say things like they are rather than pussy foot, dancing around the real deal while playing games I might spare your chins from being checked.  You realize how much time you are wasting trying to come up with creative ways to dress up a pig?  Just fuckin hand the pig over and the pig can be dealt with.  Its really not that difficult but you fuckin people love to waste everyone's time with that nonsense.  Better yourself you idiot, we'd all appreciate your effort to society.

Fuck man, seriously, everyone needs to lock that shit up.  Start acting like an adult.  Men, stop being males and start being men.  Fuckin stand up for yourselves!  No, you puss, don't be an arm flailing asshole, just speak the truth.  Ladies, here's a taste of advice, work with us here.  We are list driven human beings.  If you hand us a list of what you want us to do, we can do it.  If you fuckin attempt to use your psychic abilities to beam us what you want us to do, we won't do it.  Ever.  Chances are we won't even have a blip on our radar.  So be fucking specific and maybe, just maybe we'll be smart enuff to know what the fuck you want depending on how concise you are.  Everyone makes me sick, it must be a Monday.