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Written by Northe   
Monday, 13 February 2006 00:00

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

There has been much ado about nothing regarding my feathered friend Demonseed.  I get an in-mail here and there every now and again continuing to ask where are the stories about this bird.  Well, there really aren't too many.  It is caged 99% of the time and aside from being a good timeout for me to go speak to there's little to be said.  I go up to him, give him a handshake, hear him welcome me.  We go back and forth with a little nonsensical banter and that is pretty much it.  Female Boss hasn't tried handling him much since then.  Shocker, I know.  That really cuts out all of the story telling.  That and noise.

Noise is what Demonseed is hated and at the same time celebrated for.  What else do birds really do?  Eat, shit and squawk.  Demonseed happens to know how to speak a bit but other than that there's nothing to em.  I don't see why you would want to own one but that's a different story.  Demonseed, this day, guns for Male Boss.

If you haven't heard a bird squawk, I mean squawk equivalent to yell, then you have no clue.  If you're standing next to a full sized screamer bird while its shouting, your ears will try to bleed.  Ultimate success of blood letting is dependant on your physical fortitude but I assure you it will hurt like hell either way.

Male Boss is on the phone when Demonseed makes his move.  He is on the phone with an important Client (would it happen any other time?) and he is literally fighting over the noise of the bird and raising his voice to get the client on the other end of the phone to hear him.  

Male Boss shrieks, "SHUT UP!!"

Then goes back to the normal tone saying, "Oh, I'm sorry."

The bird doesn't stop.  We are looking at about 2 minutes straight by now and every 2 seconds a loud screech.  Male Boss is going ape.  He cannot hear the man, he is trying to write down information and the logic of either going outside, calling him in a few minutes or snapping Demonseed in half never breach his cranial cavity.  Instead he keeps asking the client to repeat himself and while occasionally screaming at the bird.

When Male Boss gets off the phone he is irate.  He cannot stop complaining about the bird to Female Boss who is just standing there with a blank look on her face.. you know, the norm.  Male Boss says that he cannot work with a bird that behaves like this and dogs that bark for no reason all the time.  Thing is, he has said this from week one at this job while I have been here.  Nothing ever changes.  The madness never ends because ultimately nothing is ever done.  Perpetual angry time.