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Written by Northe   
Tuesday, 03 October 2006 00:00

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So with our last update on the Eighth Ring of Hell that is my workplace, Female Boss was busy becoming a bilingual prodigy.  Unfortunately, Female Boss is likely to be stoned to death before any acclaim comes her way.  The following is just another scenario among now, the 100s of stories, that keep me guessing and on my toes while at work:

Female Boss is on the line with Trainer.  Hearken back to Trainer.  A dog trainer that Female Boss hired to start training her bird.  Jeezus Christ.. I can't even type that shit without wanting to spend the next three paragraphs excoriating her very, very slowly.  Staying on task.. I catch her midstream, "Well Trainer, you know you're the expert and I don't know anything but I think we need to focus on Demonseed."

Yeah, that's right.  Female Boss just said 'I don't know anything'.. well, sorta.  I'll take it.  So catching up I think, if I recall correctly, Trainer was starting to suggest more time with the other animals rather than on the bird.  Trainer has dollar signs in his eyes and thats all well and good.  Conan knows any change in this office is for the best.

So literally right after that last confession and suggestion by Female Boss she interrupts all train of thought and blurts out, "Oh! By the way.  I have the cutest story!"

I have no clue what she's gonna say.

"I have started to call Pigfoot Gay now."  .. "Uh huh.. like, 'come here, Gay!'"

My eyes squint in shrouded disbelief.  I mean, what the fuck is wrong with this woman?  Of course, it gets better.

"Isn't that funny?  Oh!  Then, if Pigfoot is being bad I'll call him Puto!"  .. "Yeah, it means fag in Spanish.  Hahahahaha."  .. "Oh okay, well I don't want to keep you, bye."

Female Boss hangs up the line and I can feel the ripple in the atmosphere hit the back of my head as she wrinkles up her face.  She's confused.  She's trying to comprehend the situation.. wait for it.. wait for it.....

"I can't tell if Trainer thought it was funny or if he just wanted to get off the phone with me."

There it is.  I hope it doesn't shock anyone that there was no self-realization at all.  If that starts happening, Female Boss will start losing her luster.  She must remain in her mentally challenged state.  As for Trainer, I just hope he sticks around cuz this has all the makeup of a great relationship.