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Who shived you in the neck?

Blogger Profile: The name's Northe.
Been blogging since: September 2004.
View my complete profile here.

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Written by Northe   
Monday, 08 January 2007 00:00
First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories. While you're at it, go ahead and Register, approval grants access to exclusive content.

What better day to start a new Angry Time for the New Year than today.  Today of days.  The day that I go to the ol' company water cooler to pour myself a tall dixie cup of refreshment.  Up it fills, just a tad more.. I don't wanna have to go to the water cooler again prematurely.. almost topped off.. annndd *plop!*

This is rather curious.  Something is enjoying the coolness of my beverage before me.  What kind of being has such audacity!? Upon closer inspection I see a familiar, friendly, wrinkled white mass that is already pruned from days, if not weeks, of bathing.  I poke my beak closer to the rim of the cup, "Friend maggot, why must you insist I spend my hard earned money on bottled water from the local mart?"

Its tiny black head offers nay a response.. only the quiet bobbing Female Boss offers the world when posed with tasks beyond the capacity of my new little buddy.  Rather than delve on the past 5 gallons of water I have consumed with this chum floating around into it, I instead look to him as inspiration.. the larval stage of a life.  Much like the life of a maggot, I have taken the last three months to make sure my body has become extremely efficient in the eating and pooping department... casting to the wind my friends of the interweb!  My shame makes my stomach bubble much like that morning.

With renewed inspiration, I decided it best that I fish out my bloated animal spirit and dump him out onto a neutral office chair.  Whoever takes a seat in this here chair will bear the mark of my laziness and its gooification will only symbolize my moving past a period in my life that has been nothing less than disgraceful.  For I am back Angry Timers!  Back and angry, I'll have you know!  Angry at the state of the office!  Angry at the piles of stories I have neglected!  And angry at the fact I was going to spend money on bottled water when I have eaten much fouler things than a water-logged maggot in my day only to give my peers stories to tell my girlfriends at inopportune times!  So rejoice friends, for the maggot stage of my life has ended.  I have budded into a beautiful fly and I'm ready to once again spew my filth across the internet for your pleasure!... well maybe not just a regular house fly.. more like a horse fly.. those things are like the king of flies.. and they pack a bite.. yess.. horse fly...

Anyway, Female Boss was lucky enough to wear the albino mark of my laziness on her ass.  It was visible for about 2 hours before it was ground into the fabric of her office chair or maybe rubbed off with an indiscreet ass scratch.  Chalk one up for Northe and stay tuned for more quality posts my fellow Angry Timers!