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Written by Northe   
Thursday, 29 November 2007 00:00

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories. While you're at it, go ahead and Register, approval grants access to exclusive content.

Yesterday left you with a classic Male Boss scenario.  His arrogance has proven to get the best of him and his comeuppence draws nigh.  When we came into work after the weekend neither of us were prepared for what greeted us.

That Monday morning the investment property was a complete disaster.  The house was slathered from the windows to the wall in a fine slick of dog shit.  It was as if a kindergarten class came over and had a finger painting party.  I follow close behind Male Boss, the second the dogs see me they charge me happily to say hello.  I stomped my foot as hard as I could and told them to back the fuck up.

Of course they are too stupid to understand my disgust in them but Lord knows their paws are carrying a cocktail of bacteria in the form of dry, caked on shit accented with the fresh wet shit from that very morning.  No thanks, assholes.  Male Boss was petrified, I really don't think he could believe his own eyes.  He stood there, the dogs bounced to and fro off of him mucking up the front and back of his jeans.  He does nothing at first, then expresses how furious he is with himself.

"I fucked up, Northe.  I really fucked this up this time.  I didn't think and I fucked the shit up."

I gave him the ol' grin followed up by an, "I told you so."

Male Boss didn't even acknowledge me.  He started gathering all the stacks of napkins from his various fast food trips he could find.  I tip toed thru the mine field in the kitchen, grabbed the roll of paper towels and tossed it to him.  Knowing that it wouldn't be enough to do the job, I gave him a heads up.

"Hey, Male Boss, I'm gonna head to the store and grab you a 3 pack of paper towels."

I needed to get the hell outta there.  I spent a good hour away from work and came back to spy a beautiful scene unfold.  The door was slightly ajar when I came back, a black plastic trash bag with the ends tied in a knot lay at the front step.  Knowing what it was full of, I nudged it aside and slowly poked my head into the house.

There it was, Male Boss down on his hands and knees.  He fashioned knee pads out of napkins that didn't do as good a job as he had hoped.  With one napkin in hand, Male Boss was picking at wads of doo.  Every now and then he would do the swirly scoop smear that would only make it harder to come clean.  All the while the dogs are playing in circles around him and putting their faces right in his.

After a few seconds of watching, Male Boss reaches his breaking point.  With poo clasped in napkin'd hand, he goes from dog to dog shaking it and shoving it in their faces, "Huh?  You wanna smell it!"

Male Boss' eyes are wide and look almost bloodshot.  His hair is all frazzled and he breathes only through his mouth making him sound much more hilarious than usual, "You wanna smell your own shit!?"

He lunges at them angrily and sadly enough the dogs are so confused with the situation they keep coming back to him wondering what exactly is in his hand and if he's offering it up to them.  This is only pissing Male Boss off more so, "Get the fuck outta here!"

They come back for more.  The One gets a little too close and faces the wrath, "You want to taste it you son of a bitch!?  Huh?  Taste it!"

Male Boss shoves the open faced napkin into The One's snout, "Fucking taste it!  You like it you mother fucking ass!?"

I am just standing in the doorway, holding back the tears of laughter as best I can.  After Male Boss had lashed out at the pups, Male Boss' demeanor changes.  Maybe he felt bad, I don't know.  His speech and behavior were as indecipherable as his usual speech.

"That's it.  You're all just dogs.  All of you, just fucking dogs.  That's it."