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Written by Northe   
Monday, 03 December 2007 00:00

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories. While you're at it, go ahead and Register, approval grants access to exclusive content.

What'dya know we're having another meltdown in the office and I am caught between this boisterous travesty of a baboon and the vacuous mind of a mentally defunct banana slug.  Male Boss calls me up from his car and is going ape tits.  He is repeating himself over and over again.. some shit that, first of all, I can hardly understand and, second of all, I definitely have no clue what the fuck he's talking about.  As his voice gets louder and the crisis seems to be getting crazier in mind of Male Boss, being that its already his 3rd phone call in no more than 10 minutes, Female Boss is completely unaware of it all.

Once Male Boss gathers what's left of his wits (read as: phone call #4), he starts to demand to speak with Female Boss.  Oh, by the way, reason why Female boss is oblivious to whats going on is cuz she's on the damn phone with one of her reject Plastic friends.  I have no clue what the hell she's talking about as I have only been able to listen to the rantings of Male Boss' best impersonation of a schizophrenic vagabond the whole time.  With the tepid thought process of Male Boss slowly infecting my brain, I attempt to disrupt Female Boss' conversation and tell her that Male Boss is desperate to speak with her.  My request is met with outright refusal.  Of course, why would it be anything different in this shitfest?  I unclick the hold button and deliver the news.

His response is, "Fuck her." *click*

Another phone call comes in sooner than I can let an exaggerated sigh to get as much dumb as possible outta my lungs that I may have accidentally inhaled.  Hey, guess what, he wants to speak with Female Boss.  I place him on hold, interrupt Female Boss and before I can get out his full name Female Boss is shaking her head adamantly.  I give him my best narration on the latest and he hangs up extremely pissed.

Again, call back.  Again, no dice.  Again, hang up.

Here we go once more, only this time Male Boss is fed up, "Tell her I am coming home to kick her ass!"  *click*

Knowing that this could very well be the highlight of the last fortnight, I don't exactly follow thru with his request.  In fact, I don't think I said a fucking thing to Female Boss.  Whoops.  Oh well, I figure that in my absentmindedness things will go much better if its a surprise anyway.  It's fun to play god in this demented universe.

The final time he calls, Male Boss is only a few minutes away.  I go ahead with the same song and dance of trying to get Female Boss on the phone for him.  This time, Female Boss gives me a bit of a rant about she is having an important conversation and whatever the fuck it is, "it can wait."  I am sure to give Male Boss the message.  He's about as bent as I have ever heard him.  Only profanity seems to be able to escape his mouth and that itchy trigger finger keeps hanging up before he can finish a sentence.  Oh well.

So as soon as I set the phone down and focus in on Female Boss' conversation the first words I hear outta her whore mouth are, "So they take the egg and sit on it to keep it warm!  <pause> Yes!  <pause> I know!"

These words were emphasized as if she was reporting that the cure for cancer had been found.  Good thing Male Boss has been completely blown off for that profound exchange.. and why the fuck does Female Boss keep talking about birds and eggs!?  I do regret to report that the disappointing part of the story is the ending.  It was really nothing at all.  Turns out Male Boss was just being a dramatic bitch.  The whole deal is all too ridiculous either way.