The Angry News

This is a prime example of how limitless my hatred for all of humanity is. All the different classes, types and professions (a term which I use very loosely) that I shake my head at. I'd much rather be shaking a double bladed battle axe over their draining bodies but the hand wringing I would be subjected to after the fact would probably bore/anger me more than the mere sight of the clowns I wanted to kill to begin with! This is my eternal struggle. My current struggle lies within the multiple examples of idiocy seen in this article brought to my attention by loyal Angry Timer, Jeroth.

For the sake of archiving, I have taken an actual screenshot of this article in the event that this story is ever taken down.. I want future readers to see that this was, indeed, true. When I first started reading this article it probably took me a good handful of minutes to get past the very first sentence for obvious reasons. I urge you to not spend too much time reading the article over as the information contained within is likely to push out something relevant from your brain that might be important.. like the part of your brain that accesses our personal lexicons and stops you from misusing words due to the fact that it makes you look like a huge idiot. Case in point being our "Reporter(?)'s"use of the word mauling in the title of the article. Now I don't know about you folks, but I save a fantastic word like mauling for special occasions. Proper ways to insert mauling into a sentence include, but are not necessarily restricted to, when talking about bear attacks or people being run over by a combine. Let me make this as clear as possible, You NEVER use the verb mauling when you are talking about a dog that yours truly could punt a country mile on a bad day. You sound dumb when you do and if you do it in my presence your eyes face a proper gouging. You've been warned.

Even trying to get through the first sentence this simpleton writes makes me clench my fists. Moving past the word mauled the reader is then subjected to further idiocy when introduced to the term "clinically depressed dog." The reason I hate the human race so much is because there is a large percentage of the population that will accept anything they hear and not even blink. Whoever came up with such a ridiculous description for a dog should have been taken out at the shins and held down while someone manually extracted their vocal chords. Whoever was the first to hear these words and then pass them around the community like fresh baked bread should have been decapitated and their head placed into a jar of brine for preservation so that all who pass by it can see what the face of Stupid looks like. Granted, the novice that wrote this article put the phrase in quotes but that is not enough to excuse his disregard for those of us that possess actual smarts. There are far too many people on this planet pissing into the proverbial water supply and passing their stupidity onto the rest of us, or at minimum, making us suffer from a distance. I am tired of people like this. Political correctness, being nice for the sake of niceties, respect others.. bullshit. Speaking your mind as concisely and as colorfully as you want is what makes us unique. Being nice to someone that knows not what infection he spreads is not the brightest thing to do and respect is earned. Respect is not something you give someone, it is not a right, it is a privilege granted to you on a case by case basis and is as easily taken from you as it was earned. So when I see someone like this being paid for what he does I not only am forced to question the inhabitants of the planet but also take a shine to loathing them.. and people like this make it easy for me to act accordingly.

Now that I am done taking care of the first sentence of the article I will cease from writing a novel on how many other things written there make my skin crawl. Let's get down to what actually happened here. First of all, are we shocked that it took a Frenchman to make a conqueror out of a 5 pound dog? Don't get me wrong here, I hate the next Frenchman equally as much as the next Frenchman hates me for simply being an arrogant slut of an American so what's due is due and generalities are generalities, but these guys are making it too easy for us Americans to continue curb stomping them for being the stereotyped craven quitters history shows them as being. There was once a time where the Frenchman was hailed as brave and valiant, I'm sure, so what gives? I even know a few Frenchmen that would never succumb to such humiliation. Tell your countrymen to take back their dignity damn it! You can't go around being taken to the hospital after being nipped at by some scrawny puffball! What the hell is the problem here? Is it socialized health care? Is that what it is? Short of his genitalia being completely mangled and unrecognizable there is no excuse to actually showing up at a fucking hospital! I know plenty of guys that have broken bones and not gone to the hospital (see that's where we get the label as being arrogant Americans comes in) but this grown man is gonna go after having an encounter with a poodle.. that's great, just great!

Then we have this puss' wife speaking on record about the incident. Talking about, "We were already aware the animal was unpredictable and is actually being treated with pills for depression."

What!? I don't even know where to go from here.. if your dog is this pitiful and clearly hates you wouldn't it be justified to just go ahead and put the fucker down? I'd see it fit to euthanize human beings for less than this! Take charge of your life and don't cater to the problem! Mindless actions reap just rewards. Plain and simple, the moron got what he deserved.. oh wait, "but he is certain to make a full recovery over the coming weeks."

Really whore, really!? Are you sure he's going to be able to endure the months and years of recovery that go along with such an assault!? His wife is probably the one that wants the dog around and he's to big of a puss to step on the dog's throat. Totally deserved, its just too bad she didn't have her thumb ripped off as she fought to release the poodle's death clamp from her husband.

Let's go ahead and skip how this fuck used the word savaged and played down to the level of intelligence of the planet by queuing us in on the fact that the dog, Sumo, was "named after the Japanese form of wrestling" cuz I can only be offended so much. Let's just go over who I hate based solely on this article:

People who think that holding a job or title makes them professional. Most are idiots and should be treated as such unless proven otherwise.
People who likely call themselves experts. Experts disagree constantly. This makes "experts" people with opinions.
People who regurgitate erroneous conclusions from said "experts" resulting in terms like "clinically depressed dog" to be introduced to society.
People who don't humiliate the politically correct in our society.
People who are scared to speak their true feelings due to the fact that they might offend someone.
People who go to the hospital/emergency room for such things as nose bleeds.
People who would use the word mauled/savaged in the same article that states the person was treated as an outpatient and sent home.
People who would prescribe pills to a pet to control it's mood.
People who would give pills to their pet to control it's mood.
People who cater to problems rather than solve them.
People who are attacked successfully by shoe box sized animals.
People who are featured in articles as being successfully attacked by shoe box sized animals rather than being featured in the article as the murderer of said animal.
People who use their wife as a shield and/or spokeshole.
People who make excuses for idiots successfully attacked by box sized animals.
People who try to justify said idiot's trip to a hospital.
People who are huge pussies.

I can go on but I think I'll stop there. Any questions?

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IceCerbie said:

	1. This article explains why the only war the French have won was against themselves.. I thought I'd have more numbers, but 1 pretty much sums it up.
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