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Angry Time Plug:  This one is a long time coming and considering I told her I would do it a fortnight ago I figured I should get it done now! Ladies!  The few of you that there are that share my sick and twisted sense of humor, avert your eyes over to thine left and notice the top link for the Angry Time Gift Ideas section.  Mhmm, The Beauty Closet.. read as: extremely popular and hard to find make up.  Sure, the website is missing bloodshed and hatred.. its even using colors like pink instead of gun metal, but that's the point!  The Beauty Closet is owned and completely managed by my very long time friend, Angry Time moniker: Shay-Lo; however, if you ask her if she reads Angry Time she is likely not to admit it.  Here's the deal.  If you need make up, if you want a good deal on make up, visit the site and throw her your business.  Shay-Lo is the sole proprietor and has worked hard to make The Beauty Closet an actual hot spot in Los Angeles.  She, and her store, has been featured in tv spots and periodicals raving about not only the selection of make up she carries but how she runs her business.  So, like I said, go, browse, window shop and give her your business.  What the hell are you doing!?  Last minute Valentine's Gifts, you lazy clowns!  Go!

El Nook de Pigfoot:  This is another tale of woe and comeuppence.  For those of you that are current on your Angry Time lore, you know that Pigfoot is a product of surroundings.  Furthermore, if you are current on your Angry Time lore you know that the climate in which Pigfoot lives is essentially the world of inaction, zero discipline and stark raving lunacy.  Certainly, for those of us that are left in the world that possess some shred of sanity look at this as a problem but Female Boss would not have things any other way.  Her dogs' happiness is more important than anything else and due to her humane approach to pet ownership she shall continue to be punished for the nincompoop that she is.

It's actually quite interesting how this whole behavior came about so you'll have to bear with me as I use words to best paint this picture.  For some reason, Pigfoot has picked the corner of the office as his zone of attention.  When he is feeling needy, Pigfoot always seems to go over to this corner and shiver/whimper like a giant puss.  Over time, Female Boss recognized this behavior and figured that she would use this time as an opportunity for something different.  Female Boss started conditioning Mr. Foot by making funny noises at him, knock around on the desk or shuffle papers or something whenever he was in the nook.  Eventually, Pigfoot took a shine to her antics and began to return the favor.  Whenever Female Boss would start up with her silly noises and what not, Pigfoot would begin to bark.  Female Boss loved this.  She has never been able to really get a dog to listen to her let alone perform an actual action, consistently, based on something that she is doing.  Sure, this is hardly a command or something to relish but even I'll throw Female Boss a bone from time to time.

Now, time for the rub.  Totally by his own doing, Pigfoot, whenever he is inside and Female Boss gets on the phone he sets up shop in said nook.  Just like Pavlov might suggest, Pigfoot would begin to bark whenever Female Boss began to speak to whoever she was on the line with.  So this one time we find Female Boss on the line with an important client, Pigfoot mans his battle station and waits for the signal.  Female Boss starts to talk, Pigfoot then starts to bark.  Female Boss snaps her finger at him trying to get him to shut it, Pigfoot is riled up further.  Female Boss with one finger in her ear and the other slamming a ruler against the desk turns her back to Pigfoot desperately asking the Client to repeat what he just said, Pigfoot barks louder and louder desperately trying to get that positive feedback she has given him time and time again.  Female Boss stretches the length of her phone cord (can't believe her cell phone adapter didn't work!), inching away and try to escape the ruckus somehow but Pigfoot only gets more and more excited.  Pigfoot's barking becomes so loud and so constant that Female Boss, quite violently, extends her arm, with phone in hand, as far from her face as possible and scream, "PLEASE!!" at Pigfoot.

This did not have the desired effect on Pigfoot that she would have liked.  Instead, Pigfoot becomes so completely overjoyed that he leaves the safety of his nook and gets in the middle of the office, practically within kicking distance of Female Boss and while wagging his nobby tail and staring right at her barks like he has never barked before.  Female Boss' eyes bulge like bullfrog.  She has completely lost control of the situation and cannot even hear what is being said.

"What?  What?" begs Female Boss to the Client.

The hullabaloo has now brought Male Boss into the office, who stands there, in his dirty ass sweats and stained t-shirt just staring at Pigfoot and snickering under his breath.  Female Boss starts gesturing to Pigfoot.  Male Boss is not bright enough to pick up on the hints she is dropping and Pigfoot becomes more animated following her arm's motion while barking up a storm.  Male Boss thinks its so cute and starts to dance a jig with the dog.  Female Boss slams the phone against her chest, "GRAB HIM!"

Male Boss takes great offense to misdirected anger, "You don't fucking talk to me like zis, Female Boss."

Female Boss is none too pleased and sends him a glare that could scorch the orange, fireproof carapace of George Hamilton.

While still on the phone with her Client, Female Boss barely moves the phone from her mouth and tells him, "You and your fucking dog need to leave.. now!"

"Zis is bullshit.  You have not heard the end of zis talk!" snaps back Male Boss as he heads back to the sitting room with Pigfoot under his arm.

As calmly as possible Female Boss returns to her conversation "I'm sorry, what were you saying?"

Now, whenever that guy calls he always asks me, "Is Pigfoot in the office or will you be able to talk?"  This is met by my fake snicker but the fool knows how absurd it all was.  Not to mention the total lack of control Female Boss had on the situation.  The madness rolls on..

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