Saleswoman of the Future

Every now and again there is change in all of us. From humans to the amoeba to lowly Female Boss we all experience some sort of change. The type of change is sometimes up to us. We even have the ability change our role, let's say.. from chair moistener.. to marketing guru. Sure, why not?

First Scenario: I didn't mean that Female Boss was going to become a marketing guru literally. What Female Boss is becoming, I suppose, could be classified as pushy, irritating or downright worthy of her hamstring being snapped in half with a scythe. She is really into her new pain-in-my-ass attitude too. Why just the other day she was complaining about how she has been feeling sluggish all the time. I imagine that with the modern world we live in, her feeble brain is so over stimulated that before she gets out of the house she's exhausted. A while after, Female Boss came in to work telling me about her latest and greatest cocktail of herbs and vitamins to really put some pep in her step.

Indeed, it was about 9am, shockingly Female Boss was at work. She starts in on her being on time as a result of this line of crap she's been gagging down a few times a day to give her energy, "Aren't you tired in the morning?"

"No, I am pretty good at starting my day," I answer.

As if I answered yes and begged her for a solution, Female Boss rev'd up, "Uh huh. Well you gotta get on these!"

"Get on what?"

"These vitamins! I feel like I can work all day and then some!"

Then some, eh? So basically Female Boss is admitting that she needs some sort of crutch to really struggle through a day. It probably takes that brain of hers so much energy to remember to perform the involuntary functions of the body, that come evening, she drools herself to sleep. However, I must say she is on top of her game. She takes her usual lunch break at around 11:30am and comes back on time, pretty incredible stuff.. maybe she is on to something here.

"Oh yeah, I am feeling good. If you want I can pick you up some on the way home, Northe."

"No thanks."

Female Boss moves to some sort of pyramid scam pressure tactic, "You don't want to feel this good all the time?"

"Nah, I'm feeling good as it is. No need to spend money on that kind of thing."

"Well, maybe you'll change your mind."

Sure, hold your breath while I grab lunch. When I get back from my lunch break, roughly a quarter to 2pm, she is still pecking away at her keyboard. I settle in and start banging out what I have to do. She starts up again with the bothersome salesman shit.

"So how can I get you on these vitamins, Northe?"

"Are you serious? I don't think I need them," I say with a bit more disdain in my voice than usual. I just can't stand shit like this. Leave me the fuck alone. I don't need some ground up, dry goat shit packed into a capsule to get my day going.

"Oh," she responds sadly.

Did I take the wind out of her sails? Nay. The truth was much more interesting. Little did I know Female Boss had already hit the wall. Perhaps conversation was the key to her salvation. At approximately 2:15pm, "I just have zero energy."

My hand reaches for the trusty Angry Time ledger, ready to write more.

"I am pooped. I think I need a nap."

No more than 20 minutes go by and Female Boss reaches for the phone.

"Male Boss, I think I am gonna go home. Yeah. I am sapped."

Oh yeah, you sold me on those vitamins. Can't wait to give 'em a whirl. Nie nie, peppy.

Last Scenario: Turns out that Female Boss is on some major airline spam in-mail list. The idea is to catch 24 hour deals on flights. I know this due to her habit of reading just about everything out loud like a kindergarten teacher during show and tell.. like I give a shit. She goes on talking about various air fares and deals going to this city and that city. Unless I'm getting surprise vacation time that I can take on a whim, Female Boss needs to shut the fuck up as far as I'm concerned.

After a couple minutes her sharing ceases. While I am entrenched in what I have to do, I can't help but notice that Female Boss is extremely quiet. I kinda perk up my senses in her direction. Nothing. No sooner than I start to pay attention does she grab the phone. A phone call goes in to one of The Plastics.

"Hey, I have been thinking. You know how these Airline companies try to get you to buy tickets from them?.. Yeah, well I think I have an idea that they should try. You know, say they want you to buy a ticket to Delhi, they could put Delhi! Price is only $XXX, WOW!"

Never seen anything like that before in my life. Its like the airline would be promoting and drawing attention to their low fees! This is crazy! It's a wonder why they never used something like TV or print ads to do this!

After listening to The Plastic either belittle her for how stupid she is or brainstorming the idea, Female Boss has more to say.

"Right, saying things like Direct flight home! Strange cities! Get it? I know!"

I really, really wanted her to take it to the next level and call up the airline company. You know.. give em some suggestions. What? You think she hasn't done something that absurd before? You don't know Female Boss then. Lucky for her this was before my Angry Time cataloging days and I don't remember enough to really put together a story about it, but yeah, she has called up companies before trying to help them advertise before. I'm pretty sure she's still waiting on some checks in the mail for her services.