First Timers

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

Who shived you in the neck?

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Been blogging since: September 2004.
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Written by Northe   
Thursday, 06 March 2008 01:39
First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

I was in the middle of that fantasy I have become so fond of. I'm sure you all have the same one. You know how it goes.. you're working on that first knee cap of (insert the name of your favorite adversary here) Female Boss' and right before popping it clean off with a dull wood chisel your concentration is disturbed. This time its the horrible sound of Female Boss pleased with something she has done. I grit my teeth over the fact I didn't get to finish playing out that beautiful scene.

"This is SO cool!"

I already know its gonna be stupid. I know this bcuz she's impressed with herself without the aid of anyone else and her enthusiasm is through the roof. As long as she doesn't go on and on about it we're good..

"I can't believe it!" she exclaims.

It'll pass, Northe. Just ignore her. Get back to your happy place.

Just before I could strike the chisel with that hammer, Female Boss interrupts again.

"This is great!" she booms.

Fine! Let's get this over with..

"What's up?" I ask, secretly hoping that she found a dull wood chisel in her desk drawer.

"Get this! Did you know that you can type in Microsoft's Word while your internet loads up a website!?"

As Female Boss fawns over her discovery like a monkey swirling its finger in a puddle of diarrhea I gather my thoughts wisely. I thumb thru several ideas the multiple voices in my head put forth to me like one would a roladex. My first personality says to climb over the desk and make pencil holders out of her eye sockets. The second begging me to ask ask her if she knows how stupid she is. The third voice, and always more passive and sarcastic, wins.

"Wait. You can be on the internet with Word open and use both programs at the same time?" I ask.

"Yes! I'm so happy!"

"Wow. You must be pretty quick to be able to swap programs that efficiently."

Female Boss might as well had swooned for me. "Heh, well, its not all that hard to do. I mean really, Northe, how many people really know about this? I just can't believe it took me this long to figure out but now that I have, I feel like I am on the cutting edge," she says with a big smile on her face.

"Pretty slick," I beam a shit-faced grin back at her.

Kill me..