First Timers

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

Who shived you in the neck?

Blogger Profile: The name's Northe.
Been blogging since: September 2004.
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Written by Northe   
Friday, 29 July 2005 00:00
Before getting into stories about the dogs one has to appreciate how they became the specimens they are today.  Dogs don't simply do, they test the boundaries just like a child.  Once they know what they can get away with they shelf it away for later use.  The odd part is that these dogs are like orphans, sometimes being left at the investment property (our office) overnight and taken care of in the morning.  Its all weird stuff that goes on here, so to avoid opening the flood gates, baby steps is the best way to paint the picture that is my workplace.  Back on topic briefly, the two dogs are particularly bright but the biggest downfall is that they are untrained.

Now, I am a "Dog Guy" and there is nothing I can't stand more than untrained dogs.  I think its an insult to them bcuz they are smart enuff to know the difference between right and wrong if shown.  Anyway, I digress, important note: untrained.

The One - Female Boss' first dog.  This guy is probably the most manipulative animal I have ever seen.  In his age the bastard has built up such wisdom its mind boggling.  Second thing, is he might as well be attached to the hip of Female Boss.  The One is never left overnight at the investment property, more so, never left alone for more than five minutes at a time.  If this is done, the dog goes so insanely berserk with crying it would break a less callous man's heart.  I have called and left messages on countless friend's voicemails with The One screaming and yelping at the top of its lungs due to the fact that Female Boss put him in the kitchen while she uses the restroom.  Its absurd but also perfect for inappropriate situations and comedy.

Pigfoot - Female Boss' second dog.  This guy is a very intelligent, and at the same time, extremely emotional and sensitive dog.  He's very fast and agile.  Basically if he refuses to be contained by waist-high doggy fences he simply climbs them like a frikkin bat and jumps off to freedom.  He enjoys casual conversation as any words directed to him causes him to lay down and pin his ears back with a grin on his face.  Anything at all, he loves it.. likely a fellow sophisticant in another life.  The kicker with Pigfoot is that he is in direct competition with The One.  He fights for the attention of Female Boss using cunning and his disregard for authority.

Puppy - The community dog.  Male Boss came to work one day with this animal in hand to all our delight, unfortunately she isn't the brightest bulb.  For one, she thinks she is a male bcuz she constantly tries to "mark" her territory.  Furthermore, Puppy really has no clue on how to react to any kind of command, rarely even her name.. which, for now is Puppy, since Male and Female Boss are yet to come up with a real name.  Puppy also happens to be spaztic and extremely "bitey."  She has potential to be a good/smart pet but since none of the animals are trained there is no need to start intelligent and practical habits now.

I'll get some classic dog stories up early next week to really tie together the workplace madness along with my favorite story about The Professional, as well.  Everyday there's another story, its just a matter of getting them onto this here blog.