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Been blogging since: September 2004.
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Home Angry Time Stories "Tell her puppy."
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Written by Northe   
Monday, 01 August 2005 00:00
As promised, I have three dog stories about each individual dog to make the reader feel a little more connected with each animal.  So here goes:

Female boss' friend came to town a while back and they use a detached guest house to usually house any company from outta town.  She comes to visit pretty damn often, probably the third time since we inherited Puppy.  So Lady comes into the house and is met with the usual deafening bombardment of dog barking. Did I mention not one of the dogs are trained? So per the usual the dogs are going straight bonkers at the site of someone they have seen plenty of times but this doesn't cease their urge to make their owner look like an idiot.

Lady says, "Jeez you would think they would recognize me by now."

Female Boss, "Have you said 'hi' to them? They are just excited."

"Uh huh," goes the last bastion of uninfected brain cells left in my head.

Lady walks up to the doggy fence separating them from the kitchen and leans over it to pet them. In usual doggy-greeting fashion Lady starts squealing, "Doggiiieeeeees, doggiiiieeeeeeeeeess!"

This quickly stops as all of a sudden the youngest and dumbest dog, Puppy clamps her jaws onto Lady's fingers.  Puppy has a hell of a grip for and doesn't let go unless you smack her, which I had to do the first couple times she did it to me.  Funny, she doesn't bite me anymore.  Wonder if anyone is gonna figure that out..

"She's still a biter?  Ow, I thought she would have outgrown that," says Lady.

"Heh you'd think that wouldn't you," farts my brain.

"No she doesn't bite anymore," says Female Boss lying through the polished veneers she calls her teeth.

"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow," responds Lady.

"Is she biting you?" asks the investigator of the obvious that is Female Boss.

"Ow, yes, ow, she's biting damn, ow, fuckin' hard, ow, ow. Get her to stop! OWW!"

"Tell her puppy," vomits Female Boss as the botox in her system mixes in with her gray matter. I think to myself - In what country would saying that stop a dog from biting anyone?

"Puppy, ow, ow, puuuppyyyyyy, puuuuppyyyy, (changing to anger) fuckin stop puppy! Ow!"

Female Boss corrects Lady and starts to sing, yes fucking sing, not fuck around singing either, real deal singing, "puuppyyyyy, puuppyyyyyyy, puuuuppyyyyyyyyyy."

"Ow, ow! Shit, stop!" yells Lady.

Puppy stays clamped for atleast 4-5 minutes injuring Lady's finger long enuff to have to apply ice to it for the rest of the afternoon she stuck around.  Lady coulda been juicing it but I doubt it.  I think its safe to say Puppy wins this round.