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First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

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Written by Northe   
Thursday, 11 August 2005 00:00

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

Typical of Female Boss fashion she goes on her spurts and kicks of trying to better herself. I guess we all do but some are so random.  More on those stories another time.

Let me expound on her random thoughts, the whole "Bean Thing" phenomenon sprouted from her New Year's Resolution of eating more exotic and "festive meals" whatever the fuck that means. Typical New Year's Resolution right? Of course!

This particular kick was not random tho, just amusing. So, when Female Boss' brother came to visit last year, he had mentioned that he wanted to start playing in his folk band again. Supposedly he played with them for about 15 years and was quite good.

Ol' Female Boss, she really is a nice person, thought it would be a great idea to buy a Mandolin and practice so by the time he comes back next year it would be a treat to play for him.. what a heart. So for the next 3 days she is playing for about two hours a day, while I am at work, teaching herself from a book. Now I don't know the first thing when it comes to playing/reading music let alone what the hell a mandolin is good for but it was pretty interesting and didn't sound horrible.  I decided to feign interest and encourage her during one of her breaks.

"So, Female Boss, you plan on finding a teacher and taking lessons?"

Female Boss looks at me like I am crazy. So much for trying to be nice and logical at the same time.

A few days later, during a mandolin practice session, The Professional comes into the office.  He's extremely excited to see her playing the mandolin.  I mean his enthusiasm is downright unmatched.  Apparently, The Professional was a pimp mandolin player back in Germany! Is there anything this guy can't do?

(Remember Arnold accent) "Oh this is absolutely great, just great.  Please, please my dear, allow me to show you some pointers.  First of all move to the other room, the ceilings are higher you will hear the music that much better."

Female Boss is threatened by his advances for some reason and is reluctant to accepting/listening to his advice. Head case?  Yeah.  The Professional offers again giving some additional sound tips. Female Boss reluctantly accepts.

So the story goes, The Professional hasn't played since he was 18, he says, but plays very well. Back in Germany it was just not that popular of an instrument which is why he said to me on a later date, "I thought something so exotic would get me all the big tits."

God bless that man.  So, after a short session with The Professional, Female Boss comes in bright-eyed and smiling. A few seconds after The Professional gathers his things, discusses his itinerary with me and leaves:

"I don't think he knows what he's talking about," says Female Boss after the door closes.

Unbelievable.. I mean come on.  What the hell is her problem!?

The practicing goes on for another week as The Professional inquires daily about her progress. As goes the way for most of our wild endeavors, it ceases shortly thereafter. No more practicing, no more mention of it.

The Professional comes in to work, like, 5 months later. Female Boss is facing her computer reading her email.

"So Female Boss, how is the mandolin?"

"The what!?" Female Boss blurts out. She tends to yell often especially when she hasn't the slightest idea of what is asked her.

"The mandolin, have you been practicing?"

"What are you talking about?"

You gotta be kidding me, I think to myself....

"Ohhh!" She says and laughs.

Followed up by nothing. The silence is very awkward and I can feel the heat on the back of my neck. I turn and look at The Professional that is staring at Female Boss' back waiting for an answer. He looks at me in awe. I smile and shake my head returning to the paperwork on my desk.  About one more minute of absolute dead air fills the office.

"Well, bye." The Professional leaves.  I'm baffled.